Boundaries are Important
Disclaimer: I am not a licensed medical doctor or counselor. All of my posts are from my own personal experiences in the areas of my own health and wellness. My posts are meant to inspire you in your health journey, but do not qualify for professional medical advice or diagnosis. Please consult a licensed medical professional or counselor. I cannot be personally held responsible for any advice you take from my blog postings and implement into your life without consulting a medical professional first.
Right now the message we are getting everywhere we go is that boundaries are important.
We are hearing the words “social distancing” and “six feet” as the COVID-19 pandemic overtakes our world.
This is not going to be a post fully about the pandemic. I think we are hearing enough about it these days wouldn’t you say? However, this post is inspired partially by COVID-19, the emotions it has brought up for me, and how boundaries are important at all times and in multiple ways.
Last year my life was turned upside down in my family arena when my sister’s husband cheated and walked out on her and their beautiful baby girl. Experiencing and watching that led me to living most of the year in a state of anxiety and depression. I often found myself overwhelmed emotionally by the situation and just not able to process anything. I felt frozen in time with an overwhelming amount of fear that my own relationship would have the same fate. This was hard and frustrating because in my own relationship it was really good and we were deepening it everyday, and moving in together that year.
In the midst of the anxiety I felt distant from everyone in my life, but not in a good or healthy way. I was completely shut down emotionally from letting the emotions they elicit, even good and happy ones, be felt in their entirety. I had a hard time accepting love from my partner, making plans with my friends, and being happy and present. Everything felt hard and heavy on my mind, body, and soul.
All the anxiety and fear I felt last year is very similar to now, just has a different avenue.
It is hard not to feel anxious and fearful right now in the world we are living in, but we can do our part and create boundaries for our health.
Throughout last year I learned the value of healthy boundaries in life in a mental and emotional way.
As much as I wanted to be there for my sister I could not be there for her fully if I was overwhelmed with crippling anxiety, depression, and fear. So I distanced myself from the situation, which I hated doing but it was the best thing to do at that time.
The world is a scary place right now.
I have found myself being anxious about going outside for just a simple walk, or to the grocery store in fear of being infected by the Coronavirus. I am witnessing life as I know it be turned upside down.
Working in the field of Higher Education, I have seen how much this pandemic has affected my area of work across the country. Colleges and universities are closing down and taking their classes online for the rest of the semester, events are canceled, and everyday is a different game plan at work.
We have to be flexible and fluid, but sometimes that flexibility can bring up anxiety and stress in our physical body and mentally.
I thought I was doing okay with all the talk and anxiety in regards to this virus, but when the option and opportunity to telework from home came open I felt such a sense of relief. I was like, “yes I can go home and hide myself away and never leave my house.”
The fact I wanted to hide and never leave my house wasn’t a good sign, but it was a sign with how I was doing mentally and emotionally in that moment of time.
I wondered and asked myself why I was feeling so stressed and tense, especially since the virus hadn’t penetrated our region at that time (it now has). The two things that came to mind were 1) all the conversations I was having about it in every part of my life especially at work, and 2) Social Media.
Throughout my experiences last year I found out how highly sensitive I am to other peoples emotions, both the good and the bad. That is partially why I felt all my sisters pain on such a level it made me question my own relationship at the time.
With all the conversations with family, friends, coworkers, etc. turning into nothing but preparation for the pandemic and latest news and updates, it was becoming overwhelming to me underneath the surface. I always know that I need to be informed on things, but how can I be informed and not let it swallow me whole at the same time? This is a daily struggle I am always trying to find the balance with and working on.
I also remember that a few days prior to me starting my tele-working from home I was on Social Media A LOT, and most of what I read about was about the pandemic. I know better than to be on social media for a crazy amount of time anyways when most of the time it only upsets me, but again I wanted to be informed. I was certainly getting informed with the facts and other peoples thoughts/feelings on the situation. Again, I know better than to do that to myself but I did it anyways.
My hope in sharing all this with you is that if you are feeling anxious, afraid, sad and upset, that it is okay to feel those things. I think so often we feel this need to put on a brave face and front with people, but one of the biggest things I have learned and relearned over the past couple of years is that it is okay to not be okay. It is also okay to be authentic and to show your vulnerability, especially in times like these.
Right now it isn’t just about creating physical boundaries for yourself, but also mental and emotional boundaries.
Creating those boundaries can be hard at times, especially when things hit close to home, so here are some things I have been trying to do and recommend.
1) Limit social media. So many studies show how it is linked to anxiety and depression. If you know you struggle with those things then limit it for your own sanity right now.
2) Get some exercise. Exercise has always been my number one coping mechanism, because hello endorphins and happy hormones. Luckily with where I live I am able to workout outside and maintain six feet easily. However, if you aren’t able to workout outside make sure you are doing something active indoors for 30 minutes everyday. There are a lot of free workouts on YouTube. My favorite people are Love Sweat and Fitness and Yoga with Adriene. Been using their workouts for years and would highly recommend both platforms.
3) Get some sunshine! Again, I am lucky in my area I can catch some sun rays and be far away from people, but I am known in the wintertime to sit in the window when sunshine is coming in. This is still important to do because being cooped up indoors can mess with your head and illicit negative emotions, and the sun is good for you and your immune system.
4) Still be a good friend and family member and maintain those connections. I know this kind of goes against creating boundaries, but it is important to maintain close connections with people especially if you can’t physically be with them. Don’t forget to ask about how they are doing not only with the pandemic, but in other areas of their life like work, family, hobbies, etc. With my friends right now I am encouraging them to talk about the pandemic if that is what they need, or to ask them how their work is going with all of this, or how their family members are. We all need to be able to process what we are feeling during this time, and sometimes that processing is out loud with a friend.
5) If you are feeling heavy and overwhelmed with everything, don’t be afraid to talk about it with someone you love. It is okay to say, “I am feeling stressed or scared.” Besides talking it out with someone another good thing to do is to write about it. Journaling is a wonderful tool to uncover how you are feeling underneath the surface or helping your process through everything. For me writing a blog post is very much like journaling, but in a way that allows me to share it with everyone. However, I have been writing more in my personal journal during this time as well.
I hope that you found this post helpful and feel inspired to take care of yourself not just physically, but mentally right now. We will get through this.
Take care and stay safe my loyal readers!
Until next time,
