My 6th Celiac Birthday
Disclaimer: I am not a licensed medical doctor or counselor. All of my posts are from my own personal experiences in the areas of my own health and wellness. My posts are meant to inspire you in your health journey, but do not qualify for professional medical advice or diagnosis. Please consult a licensed medical professional or counselor. I cannot be personally held responsible for any advice you take from my blog postings and implement into your life without consulting a medical professional first.
Well, it has been 6 YEARS since I started my gluten free life due to my celiac disease diagnosis, which means it is time to celebrate another year of Gluten Freedom! It is crazy to think about what all has happened in the past six years alone. Something that most people may not know is that I transferred schools, moved into the Residence Hall, and was diagnosed with Celiac Disease all in the same semester in college! Not only did I go through three major life changes at once, but I had to stay focused and maintain my GPA for a scholarship. In other words I couldn’t drop the ball no matter how hard life was! The thing is though that I have lived a lot of crazy life changes since my celiac disease diagnosis six years ago.
I graduated with both my bachelors and masters degree. I have had three major moves, and countless little ones. I lost my one and only grandparent, and I have lost family pets. I have lost relationships with people I really cared about. I have learned and held two full time jobs. Underneath all of these major things and changes in life, I was also learning how to cope with my celiac diagnosis. Even though it has already been six years I am still learning things about this life with how to manage it effectively physically, mentally, and emotionally. So let me give you an inside look into what I experienced in my celiac life not even a week ago.
This past week I attended a conference for my full time professional job. It was at a beautiful campus and the conference itself was awesome! I was really excited about the conference going into it because my boss and I were presenting, and I have never presented at a conference before. Typically I am always stressed out before traveling places due to not knowing where or what I will eat, and if I am going to get sick in a place that isn’t home. I was relatively calm prior to traveling which I was surprised about, but I figured I have done this plenty of times and have it down to a science. I did pretty good with everything, until lunch time came.
When I filled out my conference registration I put “severe gluten allergy” in the dietary restrictions box. When we got to lunch time they had a gluten free option, but my main concern like always was food handling and preparation since the slightest amount of gluten can send my body into a war with itself. They weren’t sure if it would be safe for me to eat, so they went ahead and just made me something fresh on the spot. Awesome! Was cool, calm, collected, and everything was right in my celiac mind.
Well, they brought me my food and the conference coordinator and I were continuing our conversation about Food Allergies and Higher Education, and how my life has changed because of it. I went back to my table to eat after the lunch session had started and realized that they gave me a wrap. I didn’t know if the wrap was safe or not, I was assuming it would be, but wanted to double check. However, I couldn’t double check.
The conference coordinator was running the lunch session and I didn’t have the number for catering, so I went on the hunt for dinning staff on this college campus I didn’t know. Throughout this process of searching and finding someone to talk to I had a mini celiac panic attack. My palms were sweaty, my heart was beating fast, I felt really anxious, and I felt tears pooling in my eyes because I was mentally/emotionally frustrated and scared. I was thinking, “what if they say it is gluten free but it isn’t and I get sick and we have to stop a million times on the four hour drive home? What if I don’t get any food and will not get to eat until who knows when? I should have known better than to not ask questions when the food was brought out to me.” The list of worry, concerns, and disappointment in myself kept going.
Experiences like these are beyond stressful and emotional for me, but at the same time they are humbling. They make me realize that no matter how much I think I have this lifestyle down, that I am still learning. That even in that moment where it seemed that my two options were either taking a chance and getting sick or not eating and being hangry, that it wasn’t the end of the world and I will okay. I literally said “you will be okay” over and over in my head to get myself to calm down mentally/emotionally from the stress, worry, and anxiety that I was experiencing.
I found a dining area and talked to a food manager and he was able to say it was made without gluten after talking with catering, but couldn’t guarantee its safety for me since he didn’t talk to the individual who made it directly. However, me being me I didn’t want to chance it. He was nice and gave me some snacks they had in that area for free which was extremely kind for him to do. My hunger was good for a little bit but we stopped for some food on the way back home that afternoon. Needless to say I was happy when we did make it back and I was able to eat safely in my home.
I tell people that when I dine out or let them cook for me, I am literally putting my life and trust in their hands. That the next few hours, days, and weeks will go one of two ways. I will either be completely fine and normal, or I will get sick and be on the mend for weeks to come. On typical normal days this disease and lifestyle doesn’t phase me. However, during moments when I don’t have as much control that is when the panic, worry, stress, and anxiety can take over. Those are the moments when I curse this disease and just wish I could live a “normal” life again. However, in those moments I remind myself that my life has never been normal.
Before my diagnosis I had GI problems ALL THE TIME and there was never a time where my stomach wasn’t hurting growing up. I had horrible skin issues, headaches, nausea, fatigue, brain fog, joint pain, mood swings, etc. So life before my diagnosis wasn’t normal either. I remind myself of all the good that has came from this disease and how it has made me “stronger” in a million in one ways.
If there is anything I have learned over the past six years from this disease it is that life will throw your curveballs, and your fortitude will be tested over and over again.
As another year of this life is celebrated I am grateful for the people in my world who help me with managing this disease. For my family and friends who sacrifice gluteny food for my gluten free options to ensure I feel included. For dealing with my OCD ways in the kitchen and rewashing things just to give me peace of mind. For listening to my celiac rants and frustrations with situations and people. For letting me pick out the restaurant even if it isn’t a fancy local cuisine. Finally, for never making me feel bad or guilty for my gluten free life.
Somedays I don’t like this disease. I hate how it affects the people I care about. I hate how it is one more thing to stress and worry about on top of everything else in life. However, I am grateful for it at the same time. After six years I don’t think I would be who I am now without it. I don’t think I would have become this version of me if it weren’t for the lifetime of pain and long months of not knowing what was wrong. If it weren’t for the many trips to the grocery store that ended in tears because life as I knew it was over. The countless nights of googling what ingredients and brands were safe to consume on top of a full time school load. The trips to restaurants and the only thing they could provide was a wimpy salad. The awkward social situations, the lack of inclusion and understanding, and the complications in life this disease can bring has certainly made me appreciate the good/easy days. A life of a celiac is never boring that is for sure! There is always something to plan, to worry/stress about, or a challenge to overcome. However, that is the adventure of life.
Here is to another year of learning, coping, and growing in this Celiac life friends!
