You are worthy: My engagement ring story
Photo by Brooks Leibee on Unsplash
Hello my loyal readers! Spring is certainly happening where I live because my allergies have became more active over the past week. I am even starting to get a little color on my arms and legs from my evening walks and runs outside, which includes killer tan lines.
It is certainly one of my favorite times of the year! Flowers blooming, birds chirping, sun is shining but not so hot you want to run back indoors.
This post is certainly a “Dandie” related post in regards to a part in the journey with my fiancé, but it is a little more focused on me and my internal dialogue. I have had the bulk of it written for over a year now, and with us closing in on six months of engagement I figured it was time to share it.
It was in November of 2019 when I tried on engagement rings for the very first time.
Daniel and I had talked the weekend before about where we were at in the relationship as individuals and what was next for us as a couple. He ended up saying the most beautiful thing about what was at the forefront of his mind when it came to our relationship…ENGAGEMENT.
Now, we had talked about getting engaged before this moment. Prior to moving in together it is something we saw in the distant future, which was why we wanted to move in together in the first place. It just felt like the most natural progression to what was next for us. Talking about getting engaged wasn’t too big of a surprise, but something is so beautiful when the man you love starts talking about wanting to spend the rest of life by your side, and asking you about what you want in both a ring and proposal. Me being me, of course I cried about it while we were talking.
Later that week I had went out to lunch with my “boss lady” and former academic advisor. I have known her for ten years at that point and consider her a second mom to me, and I wanted to tell her about mine and Daniel’s discussion about getting engaged in the future. At this point I hadn’t even told my actual mamma about it! Needless to say, my boss lady was over the moon and asked if we could go look at rings after we were done eating lunch.
I said “yes that would be great!”
After we went to lunch we walked down to our local jeweler. When we walked in we were greeted and my boss lady said proudly that “we needed to try on engagement rings!”
The worker was so excited and eager to help us. Both the assistant and my boss lady wanted to give me a minute to look and see what I would like to try on.
When I looked at the display of rings I was overwhelmed by the many beautiful options and cuts.
Like most women I had looked at rings online and on pinterest prior to this moment, but something is different when you are looking at them for real.
When it comes to my personal style I am a very simple gal. I do not invest a lot of time in designing stylish outfits, or accessorizing in the morning when I get ready. It has never been a big interest or strength of mine. When it comes to my taste in jewelry, I wear the same pair of pearl earrings everyday that were my grandmothers, and have around three necklaces in rotation that all consists of pearls.
My mom has always said to me that I should consider a pearl engagement ring, but I always envisioned some cut of a diamond.
We tried on each type of stone there is. Round, oval, princess, emerald, halo style, and even some vintage settings. I felt a lot of feelings that day as I tried on those different gorgeous rings. I was happy and giddy, felt like I could cry at any moment, and a little overwhelmed by options and the price tag.
The one emotion that caught me off guard the most though was this feeling of being unworthy.
Unworthy of love and attention from my significant other.
Unworthy to be trying on such beautiful rings that cost more than I could ever dream of spending on such a small item.
Unworthy of such a beautiful selfless expression of love like an amazing proposal.
I asked myself why I felt this way?
Since day one accepting Daniel’s love was always hard for me. It was, and is the kind of love I have always dreamed about when watching romantic movies, listening to love songs, and dreaming of the one day my prince would come. However when that kind of love came my way it was hard to accept it and not run away from it.
Throughout life we all experience rejection and heartbreak in some way. Some people experience this more than others. To live a life where everything goes our way would be disastrous in my opinion. In matters of heart and love, I am beyond thankful things never worked out with any of my exes. Even though I didn’t know it then, I know now why those relationships failed. It wasn’t because of me in particular, but simply because we just weren’t meant to be together. I am also thankful for those relationships because they helped me learn what I wanted and needed in a partner.
Even though at times throughout dating it was hard to not push Daniel’s love away, I knew that it was the right love for me. His love has always made me feel safe and accepted unconditionally. He is the one person I feel I can be my true self with and be loved no matter which version of me he gets. Love in the life before him never felt like this, and I knew it was the kind of love that only comes around once in a lifetime.
“Even though accepting his love was not always easy for me, loving and being in love with him is the easiest thing in the world.”
I hope you enjoyed this story of when I first tried on engagement rings, and the many emotions it made me feel. I debated about posting this but I felt like somebody needed to read it.
Maybe it is for the reader who is dreaming of the one day their prince or princess will come. Keep dreaming my friend! Write out a list of qualities you truly want in a partner, believe they are out there, and just know that they are on their way to you. I did this a whole seventeen days before Daniel walked into my life.
Maybe this post is for a reader who is going through a hard breakup from someone they felt was the love of their life. I promise you, if they are they will come back, and if not then there really is someone better for you out there. Believe that you deserve better than the person that left you.
Maybe it was for a reader who is newly engaged or on their way to being engaged, and wondering if they deserve this type of love and happiness for life. Trust me…YOU DO!
Until next time,
