Reflection by the Lake

During my work trip to Raleigh this past fall I spent a lot of time by myself, reflecting on everything in life. I can’t recall the last time I just sat down and truly looked inward. I found myself feeling lucky and almost overwhelmed to be at the place I am at in life. Life is full of changes and transitions. This year (2019) has been a year of growth and change in so many ways and in many facets of life. There has been love, joy, fear, anger, uncertainty, grief and heartbreak.

On my way down the state to Raleigh, which is a straight shot from where I live, I somehow took a wrong turn. However, 30 miles later I found the beauty of this wrong turn when I drove by the most beautiful lake. It was in that moment I decided the next day when I returned home I was gonna sit and enjoy it for a little bit before tackling the 4.5 hour drive back to the mountains, and maybe get me some dinner along the way.

That night I went out to eat at The Raleigh Times Bar and had the most delicious food. They were knowledgable about celiac disease which is always a comfort to me when I dine out, because I feel a sense of certainty that they will take my dietary restriction seriously. I didn’t really eat lunch, and the 5.5 hour drive was stressful, so I decided to treat myself. I got me a nice glass of wine, an appetizer, and a main dish. My appetizer was figs stuffed with some goat cheese, wrapped in bacon, and drizzled with balsamic vinaigrette. They were delicious and my mouth is salivating at the thought of them. My main course was shrimp and grits, which is always a favorite of mine when it can be made gluten free safely. The staff were great and the vibe of the restaurant was really chill.

I called my boyfriend on the way back to my hotel since it was a half a mile walk, and anytime I walk alone at night I call someone. This is something I adapted in college because it gave me a sense of safety and security when walking alone at night. Overall it was an enjoyable evening.

The following day my conference ended around 4:00. Overall it was good and I learned a few new things, and talked with some interesting people. I called in my pizza from Mellow Mushroom, and headed towards Jordan Lake.

It was seriously the most breathtaking view and photos don’t do it justice.

As I sat by the lake eating a pizza I could not help but ask myself when was the last time I took myself on a date, or did something that resembled anything close to this moment and trip? I will say it was before Daniel and I started dating. I took a breath and said, “I missed this feeling.”

Now to be clear, I absolutely love my man and all he brings to my life. He is an amazing partner, my best friend, and loves me in a way that nobody else can. He is my guaranteed source of joy at the end of the day, no matter what the day may bring. I imagined and thought about him for years before he entered my life, or before I ever knew who he was. I feel insanely grateful to have a loving partner like him present in my world. However, there is just something magical that happens within your soul when you date yourself.

When I look back on the single years of my 20’s, and the six years I spent living alone, I am so grateful for it, because I truly don’t think I would be able to love my partner the way I do today, or appreciate his presence in my life, without all that time I spent on my own.

In the single life  pre-Daniel it was tough. I got lonely and bored sometimes, and just wishing I had somebody to talk with at night, or go do things in life with. It is hard being single and on your own, in multiple facets of life. From paying all the bills, doing all the grocery shopping, and cleaning the whole house as a one person cleaning ninja. Even though it is hard, I believe it offers up the opportunity and possibility for amazing growth, and for an individual to gain confidence in who they are at the end of the day.

Whenever I talk to younger or older people who are single I often say to them

“Date yourself and appreciate and learn from this season of solo being.”

I think it is such a crucial and important time to be able to know what you want and need in your person in the future, when you take the time to really learn yourself and gain confidence in your independence. It also serves as a time for you to know that “no” you don’t need somebody to make you happy. It was right before Daniel entered my life that I truly got to a place of being okay with the idea and fact that if I never found my person I was going to be okay and happy with life, and I was going to make sure I felt loved in spite of not having someone around at the end of the day to love on me.

So often we see people run into the arms of someone to grant happiness, but before you take refuge in someone else I encourage you to lean in to the discomfort and take refuge within yourself.

I learned this lesson the hard way through a relationship that in retrospect was unhealthy and full of co-dependency behaviors on my part. I was at a rough place in life and I thought I needed somebody in my life to make me happy, and that it would solve all my issues. In fact, it just caused more issues I would have to work through. Thankfully, I wasn’t in that relationship for long, and even though the heartbreak was intense I grew tremendously from it. I wish that person well, even though I dislike how they treated me during the short relationship and breakup, because I am insanely grateful for the lessons they brought me and helping me learn even more so what I would want in a future partner. I would say it was because of that relationship and heartbreak that I become truly in love with myself, and was able to receive the love from Daniel when he entered my life.

Throughout all of life you will always be the one constant thing.

People leave in life. Either through death or some other circumstance. The only person you will always have is the reflection of the person staring back at you when you are at a lake eating a pizza by yourself. This trip was a great reminder for me to remember that even though I have my forever person in my life, I should still date myself because it feels really good too! 

I hope this story helps any of my single readers out there. Know that you are not alone and that this season of solo living will pay off, and help you form a positive relationship with yourself, but only if you allow it. For my people who have their forever person, I hope you remember to still date yourself and to find joy on your own, even though we are privileged to have someone to go out on dates with and be a launchpad of the joy we feel at the end of the day. Remember to always be grateful for them for choosing to love you.

Until next time,