I am sure people get tired of me going on my “Celiac Rants.” However, advocating and raising awareness is how I deal with my diagnosis. I also remember how oblivious I was to Celiac Disease, Food Allergies, and other Autoimmune Diseases until I was diagnosed. I always hope that by sharing my story people will either get tested and obtain health them self, or be able to empathize with a friend who is fighting an internal fight. Beyond that I just want them to feel inspired with whatever internal demons they are fighting. 

I still have worries in regards to the future things that I mentioned in my original post. Sometimes it is hard to not feel “flawed” because of this disease. It is a insecurity that I  face on a daily basis, and do my best to embrace and overcome it. One thing is for certain this disease has made me STRONG. When I go through a hard time I reflect on the early days of my diagnosis and say to myself, “if I can get through that then I will get through this.”

Hope you enjoy!

Written Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Wow…I can’t believe it has been five years already since I was diagnosed with Celiac Disease. As a way to celebrate making it five years gluten free, I decided I should share a special tribute to it and what I have learned about myself since my diagnosis. To say it has been life changing would be an understatement! I was talking with my Mom today and we discussed how less of a picky eater I actually am since I became gluten free. Odd, because usually Celiacs are classified by society as “picky.” Like my favorite Youtube Video about Celiac Disease says, “I have no preferences” anymore.  I decided to declare the day I was diagnosed as my birthday because I never felt like I was truly living until after my diagnosis, which I am going to fully explain later. Honestly, some days it is hard to believe how far I have came since my doctor shared the news. Even though not everyday as a Celiac is rainbows and butterflies, it sure beats the days before my diagnosis. 

When I look back at my life before it was gluten free all I remember is the various forms of pain. Physical, mental, and emotional pain everyday and night. I honestly had no idea how much I was hurting until the symptoms finally went away. Like I told my mom shortly after changing my diet, I felt awake for the first time. For me it was not the physical symptoms that hurt the most, but more of the mental and emotional symptoms. Most of my life all I remember was feeling anxiety and sadness on a daily basis and not knowing why. One moment I felt happy, the next I wanted to throw a chair, and then shortly after I would want to just ball up and cry. With Celiac Disease both my anxiety and sadness was on a whole different level during my teenage years and it only got worse in college. I remember telling my mom I felt CRAZY and that I was CRAWLING OUT OF MY SKIN. I was a Psychology major and had no idea why my emotions were all over the place. Within weeks after changing my diet I felt like a dark cloud that had loomed over me my entire life cleared, and I felt awake because I finally could see the bright light which was LIFE. This reason and euphoric feeling is why I say I did not start living until my diagnosis. 

Has the transition been easy….. absolutely not! I miss the freedom and carefree life that I used to have. I miss partaking in celebrations, traveling without a worry about what I would do for food, and not being a hindrance to my family and friends. However, something like Celiac Disease shows you who your true friends are. Actually it is through my disease that I finally found the strength to decide the type of people I want in my life and how I want people to treat me. Most of my life I would classify myself as a “doormat.” I would let people stomp and run over me on a daily basis. Use and abuse me and not say anything. With my disease I have had to learn to speak up for myself and to advocate for my needs. If I don’t I could get sick and will be in miserable pain for days. By learning to speak up for myself, and knowing what I want and deserve, my diagnosis has actually given me more self-confidence than I ever had before. It sounds strange, and the change was certainly not overnight, but being diagnosed with a chronic illness gave me a certain admiration within and for myself. I could have easily not listened or taken the doctor’s seriously. I could “cheat” on the diet and inflict pain on myself, but I don’t. Taking care of myself and choosing to remain strong everyday within the diet is giving myself and body the love and respect it deserves. After all, it was neglected unknowingly for 20 years! 

Looking towards the future I worry about what is left to come and the unknown parts of life with this disease in it. Something that crosses my mind probably the most is will I ever find someone who loves this part of me? Who would make efforts like sacrificing his food/drink choices to keep me safe, or cleaning his mouth up after eating gluten containing foods? Who would advocate for me because I have days when I just don’t want to anymore. I mean dating is complicating enough so might as well add something like Celiac Disease on top of it to make it near impossible right, haha. I think about if I ever do have children, would I feed them a gluten free diet to keep myself safe, or will I raise them on gluten filled products? I think what if they have this disease and are ostracized and made fun of because their body does not know how to process a protein that is so common in food? I think about how mad that would make me as a parent! Children and students are treated horribly in the education system due to food allergies. Both K-12 and Higher Education need to work on this! These are just a few things that cross my mind on a semi daily basis, and it certainly is not the only things.

On my one year mark of being diagnosed with Celiac Disease I got a tattoo in the middle of my upper back. It is the Celiac Awareness Ribbon, the word Stronger, and the date I was diagnosed (10-18-11). I actually did a poll with people who helped, supported, and prayed for me during the months when my health problems were unknown, and I was getting tested for things left and right. They all agreed that the word STRONGER was the best choice. For me I did not really know what this word meant to me and my diagnosis until after the fact. For me it means that I was stronger because I survived my life before it was gluten free. I survived the pain and darkness for twenty years! My disease made me stronger because it helped me learn to live and lean on faith. My diagnosis made me stronger, because it made me develop grit to overcome my illness during a semester of enormous change in college. My disease made me stronger because it showed me that “no” I wasn’t a basket case all those years growing up but, I was truly sick. I can now identify what I am truly feeling and why, which doesn’t sound like much of an accomplishment but for me it was a life changing. My disease made me stronger because it helped me learn to vocalize and stand up for myself. Finally, my disease made me stronger because I feel like it truly gave my life purpose and meaning. It has given me opportunities I would have never had otherwise, like appearing on News 13 and getting a nationally published article  with NACA Campus Activities Programming. 

Life throws you curve balls you never expect. We can’t always control them but you CAN control how you respond to them! I am proud of myself for responding to my disease with great stride and strength. Everyday I challenge myself to live and be stronger in all aspects of my life, because I can and this disease has shown me that. I hope that by sharing my story you too will take what life throws your way and do something good with it. You never know what you will learn from it, yourself, or who you will inspire along the way. 

Until next time,